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Friday the 13th

In South Korea the "bad number" is 4. Sometimes when you ride an elevator up into a building there is no 4th floor, or you simply have an alternate symbol.

Today, Friday the 13th, I tried to explain to my students, is a very unlucky day in some western countries. Some of them understrood; they knew about black cats, etc.

But it is Friday, and to me a good day, and students don't have to go to public schools tomorrow (they go 2 Saturdays a month), so they are happy too.

Plus Valentine's Day is tomorrow, so I got and gave chocolate today. (Though, technically, in asia, women give chocolate to men on Feb. 14th, and then, on "White Day", March 14th (?), men give chocolate to women.)

Second Thoughts about the Presentation

When I was young my mother used to make a fruit salad for us kids and put a maraschino cherry on top.

When I got this plate of pasta at a Gangneung restaurant I was a bit taken aback, but I went with it.

I think it was as difficult, mentally, to eat the baby octopus as it was to eat dog meat. The pasta was good, but the image of what I ate remained with me through the meal.

However, I would eat both of those again before I would eat some of the things I see in the fish markets. I'll have to take some pics to show why I am turned off . . .

Class Cell Phones

My 6th grade and middle school students, especially the girls, are giving me headaches with their cell phone blunders. I say "blunders" because to me that is what they are: the girls pull a cell phone out of a pocket when they think I am not looking, check their messages (or whatever), and then--ever so (they think) casually--slide the phone back into the pocket.

To me it's a blunder on their part because I see the whole thing happening.

What? Am I stupid? Blind?

This is what really stirs me up, the fact that they think they are being sneaky and getting away with it.

I stand in front of the class (8 or 9 hagwon students) and have a bird's-eye-view . . . I know who is, or isn't, goofing off and who is paying attention, let alone who is, or isn't, using a cell phone.

Perhaps I need to pull a stunt that a foreign teacher at a Japanese university did shortly before I started teaching there.

It went something like this:

*Warn the students not to use cell phones in class.

*Tell the students that cell phones will be confiscated if they are used in class.

*Bring an empty plastic cassette case to class and hide it in your podium.

*Confiscate a cell phone that is being used in class (look for the hand below the desk and the head pointed towards the knee).

*Pretend to drop the cell phone on the floor, but secretly substitute it for the cassette case.

*Crush the cassette case with your foot, maliciously.

*Watch the student cry.

*Then whip out the cell phone and call your friend/mother/police in a foreign country. $Cha-ching!

*Watch the student cry again.

No, for now just a stern warning. But, somehow, I don't think that warning will be enough. Sigh. I hate acting the bad guy, but I think that little drama is coming soon.

NK Defector Interview

Here is an interesting interview with a North Korean defector, courtesy of The Economist. It's an on-the-spot translation, so not great, but refreshing as far as news sources go.

http://audiovideo.economist.com/?fr_story=c67dbaedd8c4b98db545e7bc1256c5770c23c835&rf=bm

If you want to find out more about the balloons that some South Koreans are sending across the border into North Korea (and thereby increasing political tensions) just do a search. I couldn't find an easy link.

Obama's Afganistan Problem

While I am a fan of President Obama, I also agree with much of what the editors of The Nation say in this op-ed piece; instead of rehashing the whole thing here is a link:

http://www.thenation.com/doc/20090223/editors?rel=hp_picks

Korean War Memorial

Soon after I moved to Tongyeong last spring I learned that this area is home to legendary Admiral Yi Sun-shin (mid/late 1500's), a naval commander and strategist who capitalized upon previously conceived ideas of armored ships--now called "turtle ships"--to soundly defeat attacking Japanese navies in numerous sea battles.

However, today I learned for the first time that the city I live in was a battleground during the Korean war, and that South Korean armed forces prevaled during some rather intensive fighting.

Rewind.

On the way to school every day I pass what I know is a memorial to the soldiers who fought during the Korean war, but, sadly, I have never taken the time to stop off and visit the site.

It is on a hilltop between where I live and where my hagwon is, rather inconvenient as a place to de-bus, but today, Sunday, dawned sunny and not-so-cold, and I wanted to visit and to see if I could get some pics of the surrounding islands from that vantage point.

Alas, the skies were hazy, but I did learn something about my temporary home: there's some recent history of note to add to the older one.

Also, as much as I abhor the waste of war, I respect those men and women who fight to defend their homeland.

Not the day I expected it to be but better than I had anticipated.

DPRK Fiction

(NRN): We bring you an update on the anticipated trial launch, probably sometime in early March, of a North Korean missile (the Taepodong-2) that is capable, once fully functional, of hitting the western coast of the United States. The following is not a news report, but rather the transcript of a secretly recorded conversation that took place at a military missile-launch facility on North Korea's upper northeast coast. This transcript was provided by an anonymous source within a well-known national intelligence agency, and though we are unable to verify its accuracy, we believe it to be authentic.

" . . . eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee . . ."

static sounds

"Be quiet! You diseased pig, I am trying to solve this problem!"

"Your mother was a diseased pig!" mumbling "I wish I had a pig, even a half a pig, no just a pig's foot, that's all I want." louder "How can you solve the problem when it's impossible? We're just Lieutenants anyway. Leave it for some fat Colonel to figure out."

"For your information, Lieutenant Kim, Colonel Park did tell me to figure out the problem, and if you don't shut up I will tell him you called him "fat", do you understand?"

"Yes, Lieutenant Rhee, I understand, but if you tell him that I will tell him about the picture of a cell phone you keep hidden under your desk. And he is fat; he eats at least two bowls of rice a day!"

"You know, Kim, the re-education camp next door has a special spot just for you, but, before you go, try to help me determine how we can get enough fuel to move the train carrying the missile all the way to the launch pad."

"They couldn't "re-educate" me even if they could count to eleven without cleaning the dirt off their toes." mumble "You peasant son of a starving dog." louder "But of course I will help, as it is my only goal in life to please the Great Leader Kim Jong-il and all of his cronies, er, loyal subjects. Why don't we reduce the food rations for the province again and use the funds to buy more fuel?"

"Colonel Park already did that, you slimy cabbage." mumble "Probably couldn't steal enough food rations this month to buy more pictures of naked western women, the fat bastard." louder "We could try siphoning off some fuel from the main line running to Pyongyang, though, just enough to finish the trip."

"That, Lieutenant Rhee, is a traitorous remark! How are we going to bring a sea of fire down on the capitalist imperialist dogs of the south if we bleed our mother city dry?!" mumble "But I wouldn't mind stealing something from that pampered city. They probably eat meat once a week."

"No, Lieutenant Kim, it is simply a valorous thought meant to aid the Great Commander in achieving his goals. Do you know that we can incinerate Hollywood with this missile?"

"Really? Wow! But I haven't seen any of the movie stars yet, and I want . . ."

yelling

"What's the meaning of this, you slimy, lowly grubs! You have work but you are talking of Hollywood?!"

a scream

"Colonel Park, I . . ."

"No, Colonel, it's his fault . . ."

yelling

"Silence! You will both shut up and do your jobs, or you will be transported to the re-education camp! Do you understand?"

"Yes, dear Colonel, but . . ."

" . . . eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee . . . "

static sounds

Oops! Sorry!

In a middle school class at my hagwon the other night I was doing some review, and one of the sections was about continents/countries, especially names and spellings. So I took the class through each geographical name and, after a pronunciation review, I asked each student to spell one of the names out loud.

Now, this seems simplistic, but, in this class, as in countless other English classes in Korea, there are mixed skill levels. I have some students who can converse in English fairly well, while others can't understand a basic question.

So, "Dan, how do you spell 'Europe'? "

"E-u-r-o-p-e."

"Correct! Jenny, how do you spell . . . "

(Just in case you are wondering, these are not their real names, but then English names are not their real names either, so I guess I am protecting the anonymous. Big of me.)

And then we got around to Erica, a nice girl but quite lacking in English skills.

"Erica, how do you spell 'Taiwan'? "

"T-h . . ."

Should've known . . . "Nooo . . . please spell 'Taiwan'. "

"T-h . . ."

I sighed and said, "No, Erica, please look at page 77, number 8, and spell 'Taiwan'. "

"T-h . . ."

Oh, please! Feeling quite frustrated with the simple task I was asking her to perform, I walked over to point out number 8 on page 77. And, as my index finger reached that place on her book's page, I clearly saw: "8. Thailand"

What! Immediately I rechecked my textbook and then looked at all of the other students' books. Fuck me! (And this is a true "Fuck me!" moment, just like the Family Mart Triplets one.) All of our books had "8. Taiwan" printed in them, but, for some really screwed up reason, Erica's book had "8. Thailand".

Of course, I immediately apologized to her, explained to the class, and apologized to her again.

Who knows? Maybe someone at the publishing company anticipated (or hoped for) such a situation and subverted the printing process. Maybe it's a Taliban conspiracy. I don't know, but, while I hope it never happens again, I think I might be a little more careful in the future . . .

Deep Dental Thoughts

Went to the dentist today (Liscensed in the U.S., fluent English). Our interaction was something like this:

"Do you want a pain shot before I start to repair the filling? I'm not sure if you need it, maybe you don't . . ."

This is why I don't like to go to the dentist because he just told me I might have pain but maybe I won't but if I do it might be excruiating but free drugs! but I want to be able to speak when I leave here hopefully soon . . .

"So do you want a shot? I don't think I'll have to go deep."

"Mnphgph." My mouth is full of dental tools and suction devices but I wanted to tell you . . .

Dental implements removed

"No, if you think it will be ok I don't want any shots." Yikes, a shot to the gum. That's gotta hurt! Let's not do that . . .

Dental implements reinserted. Drilling proceeds. Then a brief break.

"Looks like it's getting deeper. Are you ok?"

Deeper? You said the opposite! Maybe I should have gotten the shot . . . "MoOk."

More drilling.

"Looks like it might be sensitive. How are you?"

Deeper? Sensitive? Oh shit! Maybe a little shot . . . "MoOk."

"I have to change tools. This grinding might vibrate a bit."

Grinding?!

Various noises, grinding, vibrating.

Oh no he's getting deeper, and grinding and vibrating and it's gonna hurt . . .

"Move your tongue to the side . . ."

How do I do that what do you mean . . . ?

"Just relax your tongue."

My whole body is tense and I am trying to relax it how can I relax just one part and still keep trying to keep my mouth open like I am swallowing a watermelon my jaw aches . . .

"Almost done."

Right sure like I believe that . . .

Grinding noises continue. Then stop.

"Done."

Get me the hell out of here right now I will promise to come back whenever you want just let me go . . . actually that wasn't so bad, no pain, gee, I'm glad I didn't get that shot . . . "Mngphgh."

"What's that?"

"I'm ok. Thanks Doc."

Alternative Foods

On a recent trip to Seoul to visit friends, I bought some dried cheese tortellini, something that I can't purchase here (though I can buy regular Italian pasta and sauce). It's quite good, especially when spinach, mushrooms, onions, garlic, oysters, tomatoes, etc. are added.

I also bought some banana candy for my students, which they loved, and some kimchi chocolate (which is solely a tourist item). They were indifferent about that; it doesn't actually contain kimchi but rather a mildly spicy powder.

Punctuation Matters

Sometimes, to stress the importance of punctuation (mostly in past university-level classes), I have written the following line on the whiteboard and asked students to copy it down and punctuate it:

woman without her man is nothing

Two primary, yet opposing, options are as follows:

1. Woman, without her man, is nothing.

2. Woman! Without her, man is nothing!

It's interesting sometimes to see which students get emotional about the differences in meaning.



Here's another. Kinda PC version.

A koala bear walks into a restaurant and tells the host, "I'm starving! I want a hamburger."

The host says, "Hey! This is a restaurant. We don't serve animals here."

The Koala bear says, "I don't care. I'm hungry. Bring me a burger." He goes over to a table and sits down.

The host sighs, thinking it's not worth the trouble, plus he'll have a good story about a talking bear, and tells the waiter to bring the koala a hamburger.

10 minutes later the waiter brings the koala a burger. The koala eats it, then asks for the check. When the waiter brings him the check, the koala pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter.

The host is horrified. "No!" he shouts. "You can't do that!"

"Yes, I can," says the koala. "I'm a koala bear. Look it up in the dictionary."

The koala leaves the restaurant, and the host pulls out a dictionary.

The dictionary reads: "Koala bear: eats shoots and leaves."



How do you punctuate the definition? 3 verbs (eats, shoots, and leaves) or 1 verb and 2 nouns (eats shoots and leaves)?

Joke

Q: How do you capture a penguin?



A: You cut a hole in the ice, sprinkle peas around it, and when the penguin comes out to take a pea, you kick it in the icehole.



Oops! Here comes the SPCA . . .

Side Dish Math, Western Style

A few weeks ago--no, it's February already, so a month ago--during my winter vacation, I was in Myeong-dong, Seoul, and happened to see a T.G.I. Friday's. Now, being the lover of unhealthy western food that I am, especially when I am denied it so often, I quickly ducked into the restaurant chain for some grub.

I wanted a burger and fries (non-Lotteria style), but also some veggies, for I had been living in a hotel for a few days and was missing my normal, semi-healthy diet.

So I asked for just that, a cheeseburger, fries, but also an order of the "freshly steamed vegetables". All this was not cheap, mind you, but, what the hell, I was on vacation.

Problem: the Korean waitress told me, as I knew she would, that the burger only came with one side dish.

Now, this points to a major discrepancy between western and Korean restaurant meals: side dishes in the west usually cost extra while in Korea they are a normal part of the meal; not only that, but here they are refilled free-of-charge.

So I told the waitress yes, I understood, and I would pay for the extra side dish.

Her face face screwed up with uncertainty, and she told me she would go ask the manager.

As she walked off, I was left to wonder, "Ask the manager what? If it's ok for me to pay for an extra side dish?"

The situation reminded me of one I had experienced in America, before I left to go teach in Japan. I had gone to Walmart to get my passport photos, and while at the photo counter I asked the teenage male clerk how much they would cost.

"They are 5 for fifteen dollars," he said, "But if you buy 5 you get an extra free."

I replied, to make sure I understood, "So I get 6 for fifteen dollars?"

"No," he said, looking confused, "You get 5 for fifteen dollars. Then you get an extra one free."

I didn't press the issue since I didn't want to get gray matter on my shirt when his brain exploded.

Back to T.G.I.Friday's . . . the waitress returned from speaking to the manager (whom I can't help but think/wish, looking at the list of employees available for advancement, crossed my waitress' name off) and assured me that I could, indeed, get my extra side dish if I was willing to pay for it.

Yes, thank you.

Imagine me, the mathematically-challenged (ok, I'm stupid with numbers) writing this post.

I imagine there is some link here between this and putting 3 of the same damn convenience stores on the same damn street, but other than both situations being ever so ridiculous, I can't think of it . . .

The Family Mart Triplets

One street near my apartment had a Family Mart convenience store on it when I moved here about 10 months ago. It takes me maybe 5 minutes to walk there. After a few months, for some unknown reason, another Family Mart opened up one block from the first. I remember the moment I rounded a corner one night and saw the new store; I was absolutely dumbfounded--"Ya gotta be shitting me!" I said to myself. It takes less than 1 minute to walk from the door of one Family Mart to the other. Completely ridiculous.

Oh, but it gets better. Yesterday morning I got up early to catch a bus. It was about 7 am, and this being winter and all it was still a bit dark out. As I was walking up the street I noticed that I could see the first Family Mart sign quite clearly. Too clearly. It looked too close to me, and, as I sometimes have depth perception problems in the dark (though usually only when I am wearing my glasses), I squinted several times to adjust my contact lenses. Nope. Sign still there.

When I got a few hundred meters closer I realised that there was a brand new Family Mart on the same street as the other two. "Fuck Me!"

(I had seen the new retail store spaces being built, of course, but did not know they were completed, and I never would have, in a million years, guessed that one space would house yet another convenience store, let alone another Family Mart.)

The three Family Marts are lined up neatly in a row, all on the same street. It takes 3 minutes, walking, to touch the doors of each one (I tried to get a good night pic but couldn't get the angle). I'm guessing that the middle one will close, leaving the other two an unusual, but currently remote, 3 minutes apart.

And that's not detailing the Family Mart on another street, the two Seven Elevens, and the two GS 25's; I have a grand total of 8 convenience stores in my neighborhood area, each within a 3-5 minute walk.

Guess I will never have an excuse to be out of eggs or orange juice.

I Wanted Scallops!

I woke up this morning to a bright, clear, not-so-cold day, so I decided to take the bus downtown to the main fish market to look for some scallops. Haven't been down there for a long time as I usually shop in the smaller market close to my school (hagwon). The main market is next to the harbor, which only makes sense, right? Unlike some fish markets in other cities, it is not all under one roof, but is rather a broad expanse of streets and alleys, fish mixed in with veggies and other assorted goods. I took a few pics, but it's impossible to take one pic of the whole place or even a good chunk of it. Anyway, I couldn't find my scallops, so I settled for a 5,000 won bag (about $3.60 these days, but usually $5.00) of oysters, fresh out of the water/shell. I can buy them, also fresh, in a grocery store close to me, but I wanted market seafood; it is a bit strange, though, that I have to go that far to get to a market, as I can see the ocean and oyster boats/buoys out of my kitchen window.